What is God? Who is God?

So, I was sitting in my apartment on Monday night, not expecting any company, when I hear a knock at the door. Who could that be? I walk to the door, trying to make as little noise as possible with my feet....not sure why...maybe that secret mission to not let the person on the other side of the door know that you're awkwardly looking through the peep hole at them...ANYWAYS...I looked through the peep hole and saw a brown curly fro, which could only be associated (in my mind) to one person: TRACY STALLS! Tracy recently moved out of the apartment after saying a peaceful "goodbye" to USA Volleyball. I quickly opened the door and gave her a huge bear hug! She couldn't stay for long, but she wanted to stop by and say "hello" (which made my day) and have a short chat. I swear to you, I could sit and listen to Tracy talk for days and days and never grow bored. She just radiates light and energy and spirit. Anyways, she told me that she was headed up to another apartment for an "Eagles" meeting. I had no idea what "Eagles" was, so naturally, I asked. She explained to me that some of the USA players got together for a weekly meeting where they prayed, shared stories, discussed sermons and bible verses, and just grew closer to God. At first I kind of dismissed it; God and I have grown apart over the years and I'm not sure if I was ready to discover who God was or if He is even real. In the past few years, I never really considered myself ready to explore that area of myself and my beliefs. But, after sitting and talking with Tracy for a short five minutes, I thought maybe it's something I should check out, just to see what they're about. And of course, Tracy is so welcoming, telling me that if I want to, I should feel free to join them. I asked what room they were in and she told me. I looked at the clock and saw that they were meeting in 5 minutes and thought to myself, "Why not?" I felt an inspiration just from talking with Tracy (yeah that's how amazing she is to talk to) that I decided to go check it out. I told myself that I didn't have to talk if I didn't want to. I could just listen and see what they were about. Tracy knew that I wasn't sure about God (just from a previous conversation I've had with her), and she was so understanding with me about it. So, I walk into this apartment and the group consists of me, Tracy, Tama Miyashiro, Courtney Thompson, Angie Forsett (formerly Angie Pressey), and Danielle Scott-Arruda. This was their first meeting of the summer session so they decided to go around and share how God was present with them during their overseas leagues and the way God has shaped their lives since the last time they met with each other. I enjoyed listening to their stories. It was crazy the way they found God in everything they did. At some times, they would give their lives up entirely to God and just say "Alright God, I don't know what I'm doing so whatever you want for me..." I can't say that I can really relate to it (the best story I could think of in my head was about finding a dime), but it was cool to listen to. And I didn't feel the need to share anything. I wasn't pressured to. I was really just hanging out listening. But, I tell you what, Tracy just reinforced to me why she is like the coolest person I know. She just pours out love and joy and fire and passion into everything she does, especially her relationship with God. And she is just so inspirational in a way that is hard to describe. I listen to her talk and the fire in her heart catches in my heart and it makes me want to cry. That might sound crazy but that's the best way I know how to describe it :)
Like I said, I don't know God the way these women know God. If I would have said something tonight, I would've talked about how I haven't voluntarily been to church in four years, how I find church kind of creepy and cultish, and I would've told them how I feel spirit and inspiration and happiness in my heart, but whether or not that is God to me, I don't know. I'm sure they would've understood where I'm at with my idea of God, but I didn't feel like it was necessary to share on the first night. If I do keep meeting with them and trying to figure this out, then they will hear about it in due time.
Anyways, I just felt the need to write about this cool experience. My heart was seriously on fire with inspiration after this meeting....hmm....

...maybe that's God...

Kayla


P.S. Once again, I'm setting ground rules for this post. No questions, no comments, no "help", I don't want to be "saved". If I'm going to figure this out, I'm going to do it on my own (with the help of my "Eagles" of course) It will be mine and only mine.